Thursday, June 10, 2010

Truth Or Fiction

Today is not a day for deep thoughts. It's a day when I feel like someone has substituted Folger's decaf for my regular coffee. I'm still waiting for the camera crew to jump out. Nothing yet.

It's the kind of day where I know I will lose my car keys at least twice. I will walk into rooms and stand there, wondering what I went in there for. I will go shopping and buy everything except the milk, which was why I went shopping in the first place.

If I remember to bring my son to his dentist's appointment, I will sit in the waiting room, reading a three month old copy of Car and Driver. I will read the same sentence over and over, without caring, understanding, or noticing.

It's the kind of day when I could easily become engrossed in an infomercial. I could watch it from start to finish, yet still be unable to tell you what product they were selling five minutes later. I can feel it. I'd better just go with it.

Since my synapses are poorly this morning, let's try something new, vaguely inspired by Suldog's 3 Falsehoods, 1 Truth. I can't spin a tall tale anywhere near as well as he. Today, I'll be lucky to write a sentence with a subject and a verb. So I'll do that. Here are ten statements about me. I leave it to you, dear readers, to determine which, if any, are the truth.

1) I painted my toaster-oven yesterday.

2) I put El Yucateco habanero sauce on just about everything.

3) My usual breakfast is a ham-and-cheese sandwich.

4) I keep a printed menu for my family, as well as a chalkboard with daily specials. I often prepare four different meals for four people. As each is finished, I ring a bell and shout "Order up!"

5) In 1988, Chuck Berry got me roaring drunk.

6) I enjoy reading the dictionary. I keep one bedside.

7) I once drove the Five Satins from Bridgeport, CT to Lancaster PA in my 1980 Chevy Caprice. They rehearsed in the car almost all the way. That is how Doo-Wop should be heard.

8) I sing my sons evil nursery rhymes, similar to the Gashlycrumb Tinies. These usually end in the grim death of the protagonist. They seem to enjoy them.

9) I was once pulled over while walking.

10) I have never ridden a horse, but I have ridden both a camel and an elephant.

Well, there you have it. Should you have nothing better to do, venture a guess; which, if any, are true? If there is sufficient interest, I may even tell you. Now, where did I put those keys....

Respectfully Yours,



lime said...

i'm guessing 5,6,8, and 10 are true. of course, i am only guessing.

Friko said...

all true except 3,4,9 and definitely 8 and 10.

(And that should have been neither in my last (first) comment. I am particular about English).

Also, you are welcome and will do.

Hilary said...

Are you sure you're not going through menopause? ;)

1) You spilled Kool-Aid on it, didn't you?

2) Even the toaster?

3) You're often a ham.. never cheesy.

4) It only feels as if you do.

5) I believe that.. but maybe not. You might have.. but perhaps not. It goes to show you never can tell...

6) Have you found a word that rhymes with "orange" yet?

7) I totally believe this.

8) You sing? Time for a video..

9) Any relation to #5?

10) Were they pink, and was that anything to do with #5?

I think that #7 is true for sure.. and that there's some truth to #5.. like a drinking game of some sort. Looking forward to hearing what they really are. :)

Suldog said...

Hmmmmm. I know for sure that one of them is true, so I won't spoil the fun by saying which one. I have some sneaking suspicions concerning the verity of most, but I'll just sit back and see what others have to say.

No, I'll hazard one guess. I'll say that #1 is true. It just sounds too weird for it NOT to be.

Thanks for the link love, of course.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I thinking #2 and #10 are true.

If you found your car keys, would you check to see if mine are there too please.


Ananda girl said...

I think they are all true. What color did you paint the toaster oven?

Sounds like the day I'm having today. I love the Floger's coffee. I think they serve that at McD's... all acid, no zip!