Monday, July 9, 2012

Six-Inch Boner



Ok, maybe you think a six-inch boner is nothing to shout about?  I beg to differ.

So it went down like this.  I was working inventory at Jordan Marsh in the 80s.  Now this was back before scanner guns, computer assisted ordering, and just-in-time delivery;  back when stores actually kept huge amounts of backstock.  And, after a while, perhaps after a manager or two had been promoted or fired, nobody had any idea what was out back anymore, and they had to send a team of people to find out.

Each night, we'd head to the stockroom, armed with a pen and a thick sheaf of paper, to climb up into the storage bins and write down what we found there.  For every item, you had to write the item description, exactly as it was printed on the package, followed by the item code.

My partner Sean and I took turns climbing up into the bins, which were usually pretty filthy.  One of us would shout down the information, the other would write it down.  You never knew what you would find.  Some bins might have only two or three large items.  Others were full of little things.  It could take hours if that happened.

So I climbed up into a bin.  It was full of cutlery.  Shit.  We're going to be here all night.  I picked up the first item and smiled.


Sean, you ready?

Yeah.

Six-inch boner!

(laughter)

No.  Really.  Six-inch boner... 34580-62374.

Seriously?

Yeah.


There were hundreds of them.  And that's how I came to spend an entire evening shouting out "SIX-INCH BONER!"


Respectfully Yours, 


Cricket



15 comments:

Suldog said...

I love it when life hands you hilarity in unexpected places.

CiCi said...

What made you think of that, were you going down memory lane with someone? Ha. It did make me laugh.

lime said...

this is a hilarious story. reminds me of helping my cousin inventory his hardware store....i had the job of counting screws and nails.

silly rabbit said...

Ha! I love it. What a gift when you are doing a dusty boring job.

Years ago while working in a toy store, we got in some music boxes. It seems the non English speaking people on the other end in Japan had spelled the name of the tune the way it sounded when they said it. "Lala's Theme". Ever since then, that is what I've called it. It never fails to make me smile.

Hilary said...

Now that's a hoot and a half.

Linda Wildenstein said...

Congrats on the POTW. This is priceless. tee hee, Oma Linda

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I'm laughing.

Stephen Hayes said...

Hilary at Smitten Image sent me your way and I'm glad she did. You're a gifted writer with a wicked sense of humor. I laughed at loud at the six inch boner. I hope you'll visit me sometime at Chubby Chatterbox where I focus on humor, art and nostalgia. If you come for a visit I hope you'll press the Join button and I'll return the compliment. Take care, and I look forward to spending more time enjoying your blog.

Shammickite said...

Six inches is better than nothing, right?

Dianne said...

priceless!!
congrats on POTW

TexWisGirl said...

laughing out loud!!! thanks! congrats on the POTW!

Jo said...

And to think you found a whole box of them lol! Great post!

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

LOL -- and to think I once discarded one even larger than those 6" boners! (Accidentally tossed it with the greasy dregs and bones of a turkey... when I realized it was missing, the refuse truck had already picked it up.)
Congrats on your POTW!

suz said...

Found you through Hillary at The Smitten Image. Congrats on the POTW award. Liked the post. - Karen

ethelmaepotter! said...

And a boring night becomes a priceless memory.

Congrats on a well-deserved POTW!